There’s No Fool Like An Old Fool!
"I am sure the power, fame and money have done nothing to influence her decision to marry him..."
So octogenarian billionaire Bernie Eccleston is to marry a women 55 years his junior. I am sure the power, fame and money have done nothing to influence her decision to marry him and that had she first clapped eyes on him as he sat in The Complete Angler reading a copy of Saga she would have still flapped those perfect doe eyes his way till he melted into her arms. I’m sure his looks and charming demeanor were the only deciding factors and she probably feels that there’s nothing that a good wax at yours truly (have you seen his monobrow?), a trip to restyle his hair (his former wife clearly used a pudding bowl as a hair mould to crop his locks) and then a jaunt to see Jolie at FrouFrous for a total body peel couldn’t do to improve his bedroom appeal.
Sadly I fear not.
Seriously, unless old fools manage to die within a year of the young filly getting her hooks into him - thereby allowing him to die with a grin on his face and a woman on his lap - aging men who get involved with girls young enough to be their daughters inevitably end up with broken hearts, broken finances and broken bones.
A case in point is my friend Alana’s 97-year old granddad Bill. Several years ago he hooked up with Mavis, a young slip of a 60 something girl who managed to cream a cool £250k out of his bank account before leaving him broken hearted and one assumes, broken financially.
But that’s not the end of it. Bill recently took to ‘dating’ Beryl. One day Alana went round to see old Bill but couldn’t get into his house; jazz music was blaring out and Alana was worried that Bill had collapsed. She peered through the window and to her horror saw Bill dressed in a boy scout outfit (minus the shorts), Beryl dressed as a girl guide and, well let’s put it this way, she wasn’t singing Ging Gang Gooly into his microphone!
Fast forward a few weeks and Bill ends up in hospital suffering broken ribs, collar bone, arm and leg; Beryl had been riding him reverse cowboy style, lost balance and fell back onto the poor sod’s frail body.
Another sad case is the estranged father of a client of mine - a reasonably well-off bloke fast approaching 60, in a 30-year, happy but largely sexless marriage. A few years ago he took a shine to a large breasted blonde blimp down the pub who flashed her big baps at him and promised him blow jobs for life because she “wanted someone to look after little ol’ me for a change”. He closed the door on his marriage and his son quicker than she could drop to her knees in order to fund her extravagant tastes in takeaways and real ale. Today she is swapping him for a younger model, not able to deal with his erectile disfunction and the fact that “he can’t give me what I want - a baby”. See broken hearted and broken finances again - but at least he’s been saved the broken bones because if she had fallen on him whilst performing the Cowboy he would probably have ended up as a headline in the EDP as the victim of an asphyxiation sex act.
And only yesterday I was told of a client woken from her slumber at 4am only to see a portly elderly gentleman being stretchered out of a dominatrix’s house by an ambulance crew, oxygen mask over his distended purple face. I’m guessing he paid handsomely for the broken state of his body, but I’m also guessing the only person broken hearted will be his wife when she gets a call from the N&N telling her that hubby is in ITU after getting ‘the girlfriend experience’ when she thought he was in Paris for an insurance conference.
Taking a look at the internet, there are loads of similar stories; there seem to be very few matches of this kind that stand the test of time (not to mention colostomy bag changing, Viagra and night after night of falling asleep on the sofa). The only famous couple that seem to be truly long term happy are Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. I’m not saying it never works, just that it’s a rare thing - not quite as rare as hens’ teeth - but almost.
So this is a bit of a warning to Mr Ecclestone. Protect your cash, after all you have two high maintenance daughters that want their inheritance; protect your heart - always keep in your mind she will probably leave you; and avoid at all costs sexual acrobatics - it could kill you - you’ve been warned!
Fannie Annie x
So octogenarian billionaire Bernie Eccleston is to marry a women 55 years his junior. I am sure the power, fame and money have done nothing to influence her decision to marry him and that had she first clapped eyes on him as he sat in The Complete Angler reading a copy of Saga she would have still flapped those perfect doe eyes his way till he melted into her arms. I’m sure his looks and charming demeanor were the only deciding factors and she probably feels that there’s nothing that a good wax at yours truly (have you seen his monobrow?), a trip to restyle his hair (his former wife clearly used a pudding bowl as a hair mould to crop his locks) and then a jaunt to see Jolie at FrouFrous for a total body peel couldn’t do to improve his bedroom appeal.
Sadly I fear not.
Seriously, unless old fools manage to die within a year of the young filly getting her hooks into him - thereby allowing him to die with a grin on his face and a woman on his lap - aging men who get involved with girls young enough to be their daughters inevitably end up with broken hearts, broken finances and broken bones.
A case in point is my friend Alana’s 97-year old granddad Bill. Several years ago he hooked up with Mavis, a young slip of a 60 something girl who managed to cream a cool £250k out of his bank account before leaving him broken hearted and one assumes, broken financially.
But that’s not the end of it. Bill recently took to ‘dating’ Beryl. One day Alana went round to see old Bill but couldn’t get into his house; jazz music was blaring out and Alana was worried that Bill had collapsed. She peered through the window and to her horror saw Bill dressed in a boy scout outfit (minus the shorts), Beryl dressed as a girl guide and, well let’s put it this way, she wasn’t singing Ging Gang Gooly into his microphone!
Fast forward a few weeks and Bill ends up in hospital suffering broken ribs, collar bone, arm and leg; Beryl had been riding him reverse cowboy style, lost balance and fell back onto the poor sod’s frail body.
Another sad case is the estranged father of a client of mine - a reasonably well-off bloke fast approaching 60, in a 30-year, happy but largely sexless marriage. A few years ago he took a shine to a large breasted blonde blimp down the pub who flashed her big baps at him and promised him blow jobs for life because she “wanted someone to look after little ol’ me for a change”. He closed the door on his marriage and his son quicker than she could drop to her knees in order to fund her extravagant tastes in takeaways and real ale. Today she is swapping him for a younger model, not able to deal with his erectile disfunction and the fact that “he can’t give me what I want - a baby”. See broken hearted and broken finances again - but at least he’s been saved the broken bones because if she had fallen on him whilst performing the Cowboy he would probably have ended up as a headline in the EDP as the victim of an asphyxiation sex act.
And only yesterday I was told of a client woken from her slumber at 4am only to see a portly elderly gentleman being stretchered out of a dominatrix’s house by an ambulance crew, oxygen mask over his distended purple face. I’m guessing he paid handsomely for the broken state of his body, but I’m also guessing the only person broken hearted will be his wife when she gets a call from the N&N telling her that hubby is in ITU after getting ‘the girlfriend experience’ when she thought he was in Paris for an insurance conference.
Taking a look at the internet, there are loads of similar stories; there seem to be very few matches of this kind that stand the test of time (not to mention colostomy bag changing, Viagra and night after night of falling asleep on the sofa). The only famous couple that seem to be truly long term happy are Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. I’m not saying it never works, just that it’s a rare thing - not quite as rare as hens’ teeth - but almost.
So this is a bit of a warning to Mr Ecclestone. Protect your cash, after all you have two high maintenance daughters that want their inheritance; protect your heart - always keep in your mind she will probably leave you; and avoid at all costs sexual acrobatics - it could kill you - you’ve been warned!
Fannie Annie x
