What's Your Number?

Following the release of the film with the same name, Outline was sent results of a worldwide survey into people’s sex statistics. Even though numbers are completely rigid, these digits seem to have a flexibility that defies mathematical law. Fannie Annie looks into the topic that proves you can’t delete your relationship history as easily as your internet browsing history, however much you want to keep it from your partner…

“So, how many people have you slept with?” - I’d put money on it that this is a question asked in every relationship that goes past the first week. Luckily for us, we already know the answer to that; if you’re a girl, you halve the number and if you are a guy (and you haven’t done it that much) you double it.

Thinking about it logically, whilst it’s not statistically impossible, it really is implausible – it’s a double standard society we live in, simple! Psychologist Norman R Brown conducted research into just this issue asking first the question and then a lie detector to uncover the truth and he too concluded that that men overestimate and women underestimate by 2-4 times the real number. He, however, doesn’t believe in the ‘macho maiden’ theory by explaining that women rely on the ‘I know’ method of counting i.e. “there was John, there was Steve”, etc. and will leave out the ones they forgot and the ones that just don’t count. Men however just estimate.

BULLSHIT - Mr Brown is deluded, and clearly has something to hide! So in my completely unscientific method of research I ask the trusted resources of the Waxed Works clientele. We took a random number of clients (OK I cant remember how many I asked) and we asked them 2 questions:

Question 1: How many people have you slept with?

Question 2: And what’s the real number?

Invariably we would get a number quite quickly to the first, then a blush or a giggle to the second, followed by a stammer, non eye contact and a perceptible increase in body temperature. It doesn't take a psychologist to recognise the uncomfortable body language that accompanies a lie discovered (especially when they are partially naked on a waxing couch).

Once the truth was out there we could then establish the cause for such whoppers. There seems to be a 2 digit rule. If the number exceeds 10, women will halve it, and if the number is less than 10 for a bloke he will double it.

But why? I think it has all to do with the number ZERO. For a bloke, if a woman is still a virgin - therefore with the number 0 – it’s a highly coveted prize. For a woman, if the bloke is a virgin, well quite frankly it’s a booby prize - time to move on! Women need to be as near to zero as is plausible; men need to be far removed from it. With the exception of my first boyfriend, where we were both virgins, I only ever slept with one virgin and quite frankly it was a waste of time, all that energy focused on showing him technique was about as interesting as being in a science lesson. I stopped taking his calls after. And the survey agreed, men know that women want a guy who knows what to do with it – it’s a macho thing. As for the guy, well they don’t mind a woman with a little experience (virgins of legal age being as rare as rocking horse shit these days), but they don’t want to feel like she’s got more miles on her clock than his Dads Ford Capri. Men like their women to be maidenly.

Men are pretty one dimensional in their answer as to why they lie but women are a little more complex in their explanation of why they lie. Seems we worry that men can’t handle the truth, and in many cases they can’t, so once we get ourselves into this circle of lies its difficult to come clean, and perhaps its best not to. The partner of a friend of mine became so incensed when he discovered the ‘truth’ that he felt it gave him permission to have access to her computer, emails and mobile phone at any time to make sure she wasn’t carrying over her obvious previous life as an unpaid prostitute into their married life - as they say you can’t turn a Hoe into a Housewife. So its no wonder she lied, but why should she? A woman in her mid-30’s is going to have a past, get over it, she chose you to settle down with, despite having had so much choice!

But the good news is, as we get to around the age of 45 we no longer feel the need to lie - irrespective of gender. We admit to not knowing the number - we lost count at age 25, but its a lot - and if you can’t live with the truth - tough!

Fannie Annie. x

WAX FACTS:

• Danish women are the most promiscuous in the world with an average of 16 partners (out of the 23 countries polled)

• The film, ‘What’s Your Number’ is based on an article in Marie Claire, that says the higher a woman's number is, the less likely she is to get married.