Addicted to Net Love?

Porn has been in my life since an early age. My parents openly read the magazines, I remember seeing my first porn film on video when a boyfriend got a copy from the video delivery man (pre the days of Block-Buster) and I remember seeing my first bit of internet porn.  But whilst it’s been in my life it’s never dominated it, I’ve never felt jealous of it and I certainly haven’t been made to feel inadequate by the girls performing it; whilst I do get excited by some scenes I can certainly take it or leave it. 

So it did come as a surprise to me (though it shouldn’t have) to know that there has been an explosion in the number of Internet Porn Addicts and a commensurate rise in Porn Addict Therapists.

It first came to my attention when D told me her partner was an addict.  They had both watched porn together and were happy with that, indeed they had a varied and active sexual relationship because of it. But she began to notice that on his days off her partner wasn’t getting dressed in the morning and when she came home from work nothing had been done around the house and garden.  He spent all day on the internet.

The links she found on the laptop were in their thousands.  D was concerned - not only because the lawn was getting long - but also because she realised he had a problem!  When confronted he explained that with each click of a clip he was chasing the bigger thrill; maybe the next link would reveal something new, something more exciting, something more rude. He recognised he had a problem, and, being the man of great strength and willpower that he is, he went cold turkey.

Now as anyone with an addiction knows, whether it’s drink, drugs, fags, food or my personal favourite, my old friend Nancy’s addiction - cleaning. If you stop it just like that, there’s a fall out. With me I stock up on all the crap food I haven’t eaten for a month and consume it in an hour. With Nancy she goes and bulk buys polish. 

Waxing Tony had an internet porn addiction once, “I only had to look at a keyboard and I’d get a hard-on” he confessed.  He went cold turkey and his willpower eventually broke 24 hours later, which led to a string of all day and night internet porn love-in that wore out his mouse and his wrist.

With D’s partner, the result of cold turkey was less predictable and more astonishing. 

He went totally off sex.  A healthy 5 times a week sex fest went down to zero.  This concerned D more than the internet porn addiction and the un-mown lawn.  The cold turkey lasted more than 5 months until D decided that something had to dramatically change to save their relationship.  Luckily they are a close couple and understand the need to discuss issues up front.  Their chat revealed that his cold turkey approach had made them both lose confidence sexually, and also, (maybe being in their 50s this was an age thing), he needed it to keep the juices flowing, to keep sex in the forefront of the mind or the testosterone at a certain level so that desire just bubbled continuously beneath the surface. This was all fine and dandy of course until casual use became addiction and as with all addictions, it affected his life and the lives of those around him.  But it was ultimately the cold turkey and not the addiction that damaged them sexually and psychologically.

Within days of agreeing that he should go back to looking at porn but limiting his viewing time, the sex life returned better than ever!