Atomic Blonde

by Smiley 23 July 2017

“A female action star? That’s outrageous!” “It’s James Bond, not Jane Blonde!” “It’s John Wick, not Joan, er… No-Dick!” Online misogynists might be blissful in their own ignorance, but to the rest of us their piss-poor ability to come up with insults is only matched by their inexplicable ability to think that anything that has previously been the sole property of humans with testicles, will be ruined as soon as the arena is opened up to humans with ovaries. Well, they’re going to hate this more than a time traveller in a dress then, because David Leitch, the guy that directed most of the fight sequences in John Wick, has decided to smash that particular glass ceiling. Presumably with someone’s face. And a chair.

Atomic Blonde is the story of Lorraine Broughton: a female undercover MI6 agent sent to Berlin during the Cold war to investigate the murder of a fellow agent and … well, y’know the drill. Double agents, they’re probably going to be set up, presumably by an ex-colleague – ooh, maybe the dead agent’s not dead! That’s not the point, I mean this is a proper action movie, and the plot is never the point. It’s like the plate that your fist pie is served on. The Rizla that holds together your spliff of knives, bullets, and martial arts. So let’s talk about that.

So, who would you pick if you wanted a lady who can throw down with the best of the boys? Someone who can believably put foot to ass whilst still looking good (hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day)? I’d pick Charlize “Fury Road” Theron. Which is exactly what our Dave has done, and good lord/lady, I applaud his choice. Charlize has endured months of training, bruising, and cracked teeth to prepare for one of the most physically gruelling film roles ever. Not “ever made for a woman”, just “ever” ever. She had eight personal trainers, and even trained alongside Keanu Reeves who was training for John Wick 2 at the time. Fuck me, imagine that. John and Lorraine – Jorraine, if you will. Now that’s a power-couple I’d like to see in action.