April/May Films
11/04 – Rampage
“So, we need something to base a movie on. It will need to evoke enough 80’s nostalgia that people will see it despite it being a really, really shit idea for a story.” *Shakes old box found in attic* “Rampage – send this to marketing”. “But boss, it’s just a beat ‘em up computer game about two giant creatures fighting. There’s no story…” “SEND IT TO MARKETING! And get me the Rock on the phone.”
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26/04 – Avengers: Infinity War
There are roughly 34 “heroes” in this movie. Assuming that there’s always one on screen at any given moment, and with a run time of 2h 36m, that’s an average of 4m 58seconds per hero, making this a bit like the Eurovision song contest, but with capes and a tree that says Groot. See it if you like lots of things all at once.
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16/05 – Deadpool 2
The “Merc with a mouth” returns to cinemas this month, this time joined by futuristic bff Cable (Josh Brolin). The specifics of the movie are still a little shaky, but rest assured that one thing that isn’t is his aim. And he’s going to need it against all manner of thugs, ninjas, the Yakuza, and other such bad guys.
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25/05 – Solo: A Star Wars Story
Harrison Ford-free back story of the greatest space smuggler to ever complete the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs. Alden Ehrenreich stars as Solo, Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian, and some bloke in a wiggy suit as Chewbacca. Fortune and Glory, kid. Fortune and Glory.
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